Where is Brian?!?!?

If you know me well, it is no secret that I hate spiders. I hate them with a passion but there is one other creature that I might despise more. BIRDS! They just creep me out. Well, I have a little story to tell that involves...yep you guessed it...a bird. Brian was out of town today and will be home later tonight around midnight, so Avery, Brody and I were going about our every day routine. Avery had just finished supper and I opened up the side door in the kitchen to close the garage door and just as I opened it, something swooshed in and grazed my head. My immediate thought was a moth but as I stared down my hallway and saw the wing span, I decided it was a little larger. "Did a bird really just fly in my house?", was the first thing that came out of my mouth and I will spare you the rest of the words that followed. Yep, a BIRD WAS IN MY HOUSE!!! Avery must have sensed my fear because she immediately started saying "Da-Da"..and I was thinking yeah, where is Da-Da! This was definitely not a job for Ma Ma. After doing a once over through the house, he decided to perch himself in one of my fake trees in the living room. My first thought was to call my mom. I was terrified and know I sounded it on the phone and all she could do was laugh, hysterically. She told me to get a towel and try to throw it over him to catch him. Yeah right..that wasn't going to happen. She then told me to get a broom and try and coax him out, still laughing. By this time, he was at the tip top of my living room, which has about 20 foot ceiling, perched on the top ledge of a window. I decided to put Avery in her crib and quarantine Brody, the bird dog, upstairs. I had to do this. This was MY house, not the birds. As soon as I got up enough courage to try and battle the bird, he dive bombed me and I went screaming through the house. I couldn't believe the nerve of this thing. I opened all of the doors in the house in hopes he would find his way out. Instead, he found his way to my kitchen table, Avery's highchair, my countertops, the dining room, the bathroom, my stuffed turkey that Avery plays with and finally Avery's room. She was with me by this point and I'm thankful because he decided to stay in her room for awhile. I called Brian and he was in the airport. He of course told me to go load his gun and shoot it. If I had tried, I would have shot out every window in my house to get this thing. I watched him as he perched himself on the curtain rod in Avery's room and then the floor and her changing table and finally the inside of her crib. I couldn't take it anymore. I put Avery in my closet with some of Brians belts.....I know not real safe but she likes it...and I prepared myself for battle, again. As I walked in Avery's room, the creep decided that he could leave and fly down the hall again and he proceeded to pick up my decorative balls out of the bowl on the kitchen table and fly around with them, as if to tease me. All I could think was "Those came from Pier 1 you ba@#$%*" He decided to fly back and forth from one tree in the living room to the dining room as I followed and shook the tree each time. He finally went back into the kitchen and out the door he came in through. Praise the Lord!!! I went and got Avery, who was very distraught over the bird being in her room and stripped her crib and threw all of her lovies and her sheet in the wash. Why does this stuff always happen when Brian is gone??? And why does everyone just laugh..even Buffie laughed at me:) So, the next time you open up your door to do anything, beware, the birds are lurking. Also, if anyone would like to come by and help, I'll be cleaning up bird poop for quite some time!!